Sometimes it is hard to go on with life because it all seems so blurry and so meaningless. It hurts to not enjoy what you loved the most, to always feel so empty inside, to forever be lonely even though you're surrounded by many who love you. Oh, how you wish people actually saw what was inside of you, how you wish they could read your mind and comfort your aching heart, but you feel all alone in this strange state of painful emotions and heartache. It feels as though there is an actual void in your heart--one you never knew existed.
The worst thing about this is that you cannot ever remember the last time you ever had a genuine smile and felt happy. Most often you break down in tears yet you don't know or understand why your tears flow uncontrollably.
This pain you're going through is so unbearable yet you choose to go through it alone because you do not wish to worry those you love. So, you struggle to fake your smile, to fake your laughter and to fake who you used to be. Often you seclude yourself so the need to "fake" anything does not rise---however, you really want this out of your system and would love someone to talk to, someone to lend you a shoulder to really cry on, someone to give you a comforting hug and tell you its going to be alright.
The reality is though, people look at you but they never see the pain you hide inside. You ask "Am I really good at faking or do people just ignore me? or Is there anyone who could ever see through my eyes and see the scars in my heart?"
The answer is YES....there is someone who sees your every pain, hears your silent cries, and works very hard to heal your heart. Its no other but the one who created you from dust and the one you shall return to. Allaah ta'ala is closer to you than anyone and He can help you through anything. You just have to completely trust His divine help and give your heart to him.
I know its hard to do that part because of feeling empty within, but know that help is only with Allaah, so if it hurts too much, be close to Him, talk to Him through your prayers and let His divine words heal you. Also know that you're not alone in this state of depression and loneliness. Dont be afraid to talk to someone you trust , even if it means that person sees your weakness through the tears! Don't ever be scared of putting your feeling out there because concealing your pain only makes it worse
If all fails, keep a journal and write away all that pain , trust me you're going to lose so many tears and will not be able to finish a page, but by the time you're done, you're going to feel a lot better insha'Allah and always make dua to Allaah and ask Him to heal your heart!
